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From the Pen of David Horowitz: October 20, 2009

October 20, 2009

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A pretty woman with an Irish sparkle, Emily met Sarah when they were both undergraduates at San Francisco State University. “We were in a communications class together and one of our assignments was to read a poem,” Emily recalls. “No one wanted to do it but Sarah. She read an outrageous poem with expletives by Allen Ginsburg. She had a giant bow on her head and had dyed her hair platinum blonde. I thought she was the coolest person I had ever seen.”

As I watched the pictures of my daughter’s youth drift across the monitor, a flood of sorrows undid me and I had to quit the room to hide my embarrassment at being so unmanned in front of my children. When I was able to collect myself, I went back to the viewing but within moments had to look away again, and realized that for now and long after I would not be able to revisit these memories. Of all the images, the hardest to endure were the ones that had been taken when she was a child, her heart open to a world that had been cruelly set up to put enormous obstacles in her path and eventually to crush her.

A Cracking of the Heart

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8 Comments
  1. Colette permalink
    October 20, 2009 4:06 am

    ….hence the title of your book about your lovely daughter….
    I am the mother of a child who had great zeal for life, until he found rejection
    at every pass…..having a disability is hard enough for my boy, and even
    harder for his peers to relate to. … .He is in college now, and as hard as he tries,
    no one has the time or cares to befriend him. My heart breaks because I can see
    beyond his forced smile, and feel his desire to be accepted and loved for who he is…
    A child of God, wonderfully made in His image……with a heart of gold, and the wisdom
    of Job. I pray that one day he will make a few good friends, and a woman who will love him as much as we do-
    He is our Blessing….and I am sorry for your lose of your dear daughter ….you are in my prayers….

    • Jack Hampton permalink
      October 20, 2009 5:44 am

      Colette
      I have to ask why does your son not have any friends? I am the father of a disabled son who is now 35 but has friends. I am just trying to understand? I will pray for him as well.

      • ElanaSe permalink
        October 21, 2009 6:36 am

        Jack.
        I can speak for myself only. I was that child.
        Disabled children become adults much faster. While others enjoy their childhood, disabled children, beyond their struggle for survival, should learn the ways how to fit in the “normal” society. Not everybody can do that. Some of them can pretend that they don’t pay attention to their disability, but some don’t know how to do that. They have the whole baggage of the painful experience, something that other kids don’t, but they are not sure what to do with all this.

        As a teenager I had two friends – but most of the times they were busy with their lives and I was too shy to bother others with my inner problems (additionally to the fact that my parents chose not to talk to me about this). All my life was my own fight to prove that I’m like everybody else and my disability is just “a statistics maker” so I pretended that my disability isn’t here – until next hospitalization (which were plenty).

        Colette, I hope your son will find a friend. There are good people in this world – but many of those people are quiet so it’s hard to recognize sometimes their wonderful qualities. If they don’t befriend him it doesn’t mean they don’t want to. I’m pretty sure some of them just don’t know HOW. This politically correct culture turned people into cowards of the human relationships (“what if I hurt his feelings?”). Don’t give up.
        Elana.

  2. jac mills permalink
    October 20, 2009 10:10 am

    Colette/Jack Hampton:

    The posts on your children are so tender, full of love, I hope they inspire readers to look outside and inside themselves for the goodness and hope that you both have captured in your words.

  3. politicalmoxie permalink
    October 20, 2009 11:20 am

    I was priviledged to read Mr. H’s eulogy to Sara before A Cracking Of The Heart was published. Not only his love, but his respect and admiration for her as a person, lept off the page and sat next to me as I read.
    I believe all who pass through our lives, the good and the bad, do so for a reason. Whether you met Sara during her life here on earth or were intruduced to her by her father, we all have been blessed to know her.

  4. Colette permalink
    October 21, 2009 2:18 am

    Thank you for your prayers and understanding Jack, and your inspiring words Jac…..
    The reason my son has no close friends, is because the boys he called “friends” when growing up, are in college now, either away or working, girl friends &/or are partying & chasing girls….
    ….He’s a Christian, and in the social fabric of his college, it’s not “cool”-…..
    He can’t “indulge” in adult beverages, or smoke….not only because he’s on medication, but he does not want to become part of the “instant gratification” crowd-and become addicted like some of the kids he’s known…..
    He knows a lot of kids from school, martial arts, and now in college…..but there is none that he can really confide in or call close-friends….
    He said he’s happier when he’s spending time with his older brothers, and mature adults…., and focusing on his pre-reqs for a medical career ….He has chosen this field to help others who suffer from his condition. He tells me he is putting his trust in the Lord, and is holding out hope that the right girl will be revealed to him….As a mom, I see his heart is breaking because his condition and meds have created limits on what he can and can’t do.
    He is determined not to let his condition control him, but I see that it does control the involvment other kids his age want to have in dealing with a friend who is limited…..

  5. Colette permalink
    October 21, 2009 10:01 am

    ELANA-

    Thank you! Your experience really hits home, and may help my son in his quest to understand how to deal with his feelings….I hope you don’t mind if I pass it onto him.

    You said, “My life was my own fight to prove that I’m like everybody else and my disability is just “a statistics maker” so I pretended that my disability isn’t here – until next hospitalization”……How true!
    It’s an emotional experience, especially for the child who has a seizure disorder & those who feel helpless to do anything about it…
    When it happens in a group of children, not only can it be dangerous, but embarrassing…When he was younger, his peers seemed more able to “deal” with it, and more sympathetic. The older he gets, the more he’s had to understand the social implications of his condition, and although it’s now controlled with the right medication, it wasn’t always so. Some of his “so-called-friends” who were witness to it in elementry school, have carried the gossip onto college….
    His neurologist has recommended he start counseling, and so he’s agreed to give it a go…I do talk to him about it, and can’t imagine how he would feel if he had no one to understand what he’s going thru. He also worries about passing it onto his children, as his grandmother had it, too. They just didn’t know what to do with it medically in her day and so with modern medicine it’s a matter of finding what works best for each individual. It can sometimes take years to find the right Rx to control it, and as a child grows, the doses have to be continually adjusted and monitored….Traditional school is a “no-can-do” for most children…and home school leaves a child with limited social interaction.
    When my son graduated from on-line high school, it was the best day of his life…..especially when the school named him student of the year! What a surprise, and what balancing act-!

    As it stands now, I encourage my son to remain flexible, and not let his/our hearts harden because of anyone or anything…..He’s taken up a new sport, and is trying to meet new people thru this…he continues to teach me that with the Lord, all things are possible!

    Again, thanks for you understanding …From my experieces, I’ve learned that life is a series of lessons God would have me learn…and most importantly, it’s what’s in our hearts that matter most 🙂
    I am anxious to read David H. book, to gain better insight from a father’s and girl/woman’s perspective……
    Blessings to You….I wish you only the best in life.

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