Skip to content

Lunch Break

November 24, 2009

I received this list of puns from Chana, one of NewsReal’s regulars who frequently sends me items. (And I welcome other people to PLEASE email me things for Lunch Break, Open Thread, and general news tips.)

As is usually the case with puns some are fiendishly clever and others are painfully bad. The ones in bold have my approval. Those in italics are dumb IMHO

1. The roundest knight at King Arthurs Round Table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pie.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated in an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, You stay here, I’ll go on a head.

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, Keep off the Grass.


16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, No change yet.

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21 A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In a democracy, its your vote that counts. In feudalism, its your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Dont join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!

Lunch Break is NewsReal’s daily apolitical post. (We all need a break from this political stuff every now and then!) When commenting on Lunch Break posts do not start political, religious, or philosophical debates. In fact from now on any serious debating comments on Lunch Break posts will be deleted. You’ve got all of NewsReal’s other posts to get argumentative, lets keep this one pure. (Humorous debates about meaningless subjects are permitted.)

If you would like to submit a video (humorous/music/film trailer/intriguing/etc.), image, or poem for this feature then please email it to DavidSwindle {@} Gmail.com. (Sunday Lunch Breaks are often of a spiritual nature.) Please do not send attached videos, rather provide links to where the videos are available online at places like YouTube. Please include:

1. A link to where it’s from.

2. Any Comments you would like published with your submission

3. A link to your blog or homepage if you have one.

4. How you’d like your name published.

Also please keep it no more than PG-13 rated.

 

Advertisements
One Comment
  1. Joseph Cottrell permalink
    November 25, 2009 1:18 pm

    A man escapes from a mental institution, tries to hide in a laundromat, rapes two of the customers there and then flees. The headline in the newspaper reads: Nut Screws Washers and Bolts!

Comments are closed.